Don’t let the light go out (The late, late blog)

Well, first of all, MASSIVE apologies for the lateness of my blog this week! I have been super busy and have been having a lovely time seeing my Mum and Dad who have been down to London for a little visit. So, as you can imagine, I filled my time with seeing them as I don’t get to see them as often as I would like.

We also had a visit from my boyfriend’s parents too. It was actually the first time both sets of parents had met each other! I wasn’t nervous at all and they all got on like a house on fire! Here’s a picture of us enjoying a few drinks the other night.


Now, a little bit of Diabetes news before I move onto the main topic of my blog this week.

As some of you may be aware from my previous blog, this weekend I am attending Future of Diabetes – The Big Conversation with Diabetes UK! I am really looking forward to this event and I think it’s set to be a brilliant day. Not only am I attending the event, but I am going to be writing the official Diabetes UK blog for the event too! I saw in an email that they were looking for someone to write a blog for the event and as I am going to be blogging it personally anyway, I offered my services to write their official blog and they chose me! Very exciting news indeed! I will be blogging the event on Monday so I will make sure to include the official Diabetes UK blog link too!

Down to the nitty gritty…

As an Actor you really do get put through the motions. I must admit, recently I have been feeling a little down and frustrated.

I am still currently self representing and that’s completely fine for right now. However, I am still looking for the perfect agent for me. Despite not being represented right now, that hasn’t stopped me from being invited to copious auditions.

At the moment, I do feel at a bit of a loss. I have attended so many auditions and haven’t gotten the job. This isn’t a rare experience for many Actors. You find that sometimes every 1/10 auditions you attend will offer you the job. It’s really bloody hard. This industry doesn’t half test you. What you learn throughout the years is how to be resilient. How to be thick skinned and keep your head held high and how to move on to the next thing without looking back. It’s easier than you think to develop those skills. (Well, it was for me anyway. I have a pretty positive and determined personality generally, so adapting to the acting world wasn’t too hard.) However, receiving no after no after no does begin to niggle. That small niggling feeling is just called being human. You do have to let yourself feel like a normal human – especially in regards to something you are so deeply passionate about.

I feel it’s only natural to have periods of time where you do feel deflated. I have known of some fellow Actors who have began to question their abilities and talents based on several no, no, no outcomes. No-one should ever be made to feel that they are not good enough. I can however, completely compare and empathise. Sometimes I find myself at the very top of a slipperly slope of negative thoughts, which I really do not want to go down. You do naturally begin to question your abilities and compare yourself to others.  As cheesy as it sounds, I do believe that if you want something so much and you work hard for it, it will happen. Sometimes, it’s a question of when. For some people they breeze through life with a serious of positive outcomes, whilst for others it’s a bit more of a battle – an obstacle race with added last minute alterations.

There are so many performers out there who all have the same aspirations, goals and desires. There will always be people who look like you, can sing better than you, dance better than you and act better than you, but you’ve got to learn to be you. Sometimes you might attend an audition or casting and be pipped to the post because you’re a little bit taller than another girl and they would prefer someone shorter in comparison. Ok, so maybe you just weren’t right for that role? It really can be the littlest things.

What I have learned along the way is to never compare myself to anybody else. Everyone has something special and unique to bring to the table and everyone is different. We walk this Earth with individuality. It doesn’t matter if you walk into an audition room and you see a sea of 15 girls who all look a little bit like you. You are YOU and no-one else can be that.

So when it comes to talent, it does feel gutting when you don’t get a job that you really, really wanted. You do wonder “Why?” Why didn’t they pick me? What could I have done better? Maybe I should have picked a different song. Maybe I could have done that bit a bit more like this? That is honestly how I have been feeling recently.

After I’ve had a little bit of down time, I do pick myself back up. My thick skin kicks in and my brain says “So what? There will be something around the corner for you.” I’ve just got to keep working hard and pushing myself. I can’t let myself over analyse and I’ve got to keep going.

I must admit that seeing the musical The Girls with my Mum and Dad yesterday really did reignite my determination. The Girls is the musical version of Calendar Girls, written by Gary Barlow and Tim Firth. It is absolutely brilliant. I encourage everyone to go and see this show before it unfortunately closes in July.

The performances by the whole cast were fantastic. Obviously, Calendar Girls is a very lighthearted and amusing tale, but we have to remember that it is a true story. The idea of the calendar comes about when the girls want to raise money for a memorial settee in honour of one of the girls late husbands, who has unfortunately passed away from Cancer.

The cast did an amazing job at bringing this story to life hand in hand with a great script and brilliant music. I actually got rather emotional at the end of the show. Whenever I watch a musical or a play I get an extreme surge of passion and determination throughout my body. Watching the performances of the whole cast really did solidify why I am pursuing the career path I am. I want to make people feel the way that I felt yesterday when I watched that show. I want to inspire people.

All in all, it has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster as of late. It sometimes does only take a little reminder to give you that kick up the bum – to assure you that you’re doing the right thing. It may be hard watching your friends have the money to get engaged and buy houses, but you have to remind yourself that you’ve chosen this path for a reason. It’s not going to be easy, you already know that. Just don’t let the light go out. 




Published by diabetesandtheactor

Actress, singer and type 1 diabetic.

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